10. I’ll be right back!

As soon as you leave the room, you should know that another alarm is going to go off or that your co-worker needs your help.

9. Oops!

The patient is going to look at you and ask, “What do you mean ‘Oops?’”

8. Don’t worry about it.

Obviously the patient is worrying about it if the patient is asking you a question, you silly silly nurse.

7. You’ll survive.

Odds are, you may come across a patient who is dying and I don’t think telling them ‘they’ll survive’ is therapeutic if there is a chance that they may not come out of the surgery. Give realistic THERAPEUTIC answers.

6. Oh this is disgusting!

The patient is already embarrassed enough as it is. Can you make it a little bit comfortable for your patient?

5. I think I’m going to be sick.

Do you have to give another reason to embarrass the patient?

4. I wouldn’t trust the doctor either.

If the patient does not feel like he or she can trust the doctor, then how can the patient even trust the rest of the staff?

3. You’ll just be here for a couple of hours.

Something could easily happen and a couple of hours could turn into a few days. A few days could turn into a few weeks. Well, you get the point.

2. It’s so quiet right now.

Wait for it. I’m talking about the death stares your co-workers will give you soon as you just jinxed a beautiful and peaceful shift.

1. “Congratulations! Are you the Grandma?”

Do you really want to say that to the person who is probably the patient’s sister?